So after 7 weeks everything finally came full circle.  Starting with a 1-1 draw with Dianella in the first week of the night series, the Vets left a trail of destruction in their wake as they powered to the final to meet their original foes….The White eagles of Dianella (also know as many other unprintable aliases).  As many avid readers will know, the Lynwood vets trek to the night series Grand final has been one of glorious play, monumental cock ups and general edge of the seat excitement.  Unfortunately the epic semi final that got them there has been lost to the ages, like Jan Molbys mythical lost goal against Manchester in 1985 there were unfortunately no cameras to capture it and the reporters at the game had better things to do or couldn’t be arsed.  Rumours are though, like the rotund Reds playmaker who frequented the centre circle, Lynwoods own Paul Gibson ventured far to bury a hat-trick.  Whether that actually happened we will never know as the game is lost to the sands of time, and only told amongst old fish

mongers wives over a plate of chicken.

So to the final we go.  Original finalists North Beach sensing defeat or a Paddys day piss up pulled out allowing beaten semi finalist Dianella into the final. Would this play into Lynwoods hands or not, it was difficult to tell, but what we did know is that the football, nay sport would be the winner as Dianella, renowned for their Corinthian approach to the game, would make it a final for the children, a final UNICEF would be proud to lend their name too.  Unfortunately no one expected known agitator Gary Spinks to play the role of a NATO peacekeeper and send people into a frenzy much like James Blunt in an Abrahams or like his first album (side note: might have gone too far there……I’ve always liked the wailing screeches of Mr Blunt).

But lets start at the beginning.  Lynwood got off to a cracking start pressuring Dianella and stopping their smooth passing game.  As yet nothing indicated the storm to come other than Branco Jelic giving Braidy an elbow to the chops in the first 5 minutes.  Now he may have played for Glory, he may have put two past Oliver Kahn but on Friday night he was in Braidy’s pocket.  And though he might have protested “Do you know who I am” all night the response was often “Braidys spare change”.

15 minutes in Spinksy  picked up the ball on the left whilst Gibbo Jnr looked on in awe, some smart little passes allowed him to open up and seeing a superb run by Nitin, played a delightful ball into his path to make it 1-0.  10 minutes later another lovely floated ball saw Spinksy connect with a half volley to bury it home and take Lynwood into a 2-0 lead.  Lynwood continue to pile on the pressure and created two more good chances that weren’t converted whilst at the other end stand in keeper Rodney busied himself make holes in the ground with his boot for some reason and holding up the goal posts.  Meanwhile excitement on the bench as not only was Micky Hall relegated there for late arrival in the semi final because of his lack of understanding of sarcasm but he was told to take the flag…………………………….Micky has been known to kill for less.  Tim on the other hand went for a piss and missed his substitution (don’t worry fans he later came on, but wasn’t happy being re-subbed in the last 5 attempting the deadliest of death stares, but sorry Tim you’re no Micky Hall, it just looked like you had constipation).

So with 5 minutes to go and Dianella succumbing to the pressure of defeat by whinging and kicking out, Paul Gibson steals the ball from the Dianella centre back  and with acres of space and more time than Stephan Hawking would know what to do with and with the balance of the game in his hands, lettuce leafs it into the hands of the keeper to the sounds of “ohhh yer dip” from a spectator that looked suspiciously like his mum.  To make matters worse the keeper springs a counter attack which Dianella scores from, their only chance of the half resulting in a chorus of “You’ve picked the wrong Gibbo” from the crowd.

With their tails up, Dianella launched into action…not a football action, more like one from their playbook in the 1990’s.  Young Spinksy, having a solid game, was caught up in a series of niggling battles with Branco Jelic who was sick of being in that pocket with Braidys condoms and undefinable fluff.  Then out of no where  receives an RKO from Dianellas number 9.  Cue all in melee, red card for 9 and red card for spinksy for being in the way…..lots of shouting, scuffles on the sideline, Lynwood being told they are worms caught in a Serbian spiderweb (some Baltic threat apparently) and then half time for a cup of tea and a digestive.

The second half was a completely different story as losing a key link with the Lynwood midfield and attack compared to a little angry bald thug for Dianella hurt Lynwood more as Dianella could swap like for like.  As the half wore on Dianella took control and it was backs to the wall for Lynwood.  Getting very little from the ref, Dianella finally, finally received a soft free kick in which Branco finally managed to find some rope and scaffolding to climb out of Braidys pocket to dispatch, to be fair, a top class free kick that even the Bagpuss like reflexes of Rodney couldn’t keep out.  2-2

The game swung both ways, Dianella pressuring but not really threatening, Lynwood countering but unable to finish.  In the last few minutes it appeared Lynwood had a penalty, clear as day, but some deft play by the Dianella coach saw him pull out the picture with the refs family and a big cross through it that fogged up that clear day so play on.

So to penalties it went.  New recruit Gary buried his. Dianella score.  Gibbo Jnr makes amends.  Dianella score.  Nitin makes it 3 from 3.  Rodney then channels his Bagpuss and lies down saving 3-2.  Micky Hall proves a point to TC 4-2.  Dianella channels 1990 Chris Waddle and its all over.

LYNWOOD CHAMPIONS

The lavish awards ceremony saw Marc pick up man of the match (yet strangely missing from match report), Gibbo whinger of the comp, 2 Dianella plays applauding when Micky lifted the trophy and Branco trying to tell everyone who he was but no one understood as he had too much of Braidys fluff in his mouth.

A superb effort and a well deserved win.  Not bad considering it was only set up to give TC some game time.

Now onto the season proper.

This match report sponsored by six coronas and a day in the sun watching Paul Q in goal.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.  Like Batman himself he swooped in to save the day and like all great legends, Pele, Ronaldo, Cher, he goes by one name and that name is Spinksy, that golden corn kernel in a pile of……but lets start at the beginning.

Results from the previous week meant that to make the semi final (and therefore not be forced in a play off for 4th/5th that no one would turn up to) it was a must win game.  With a strong line up that some would call ageist, there was confidence in the air.  But as was proved later in the night, sometimes you need the experience of a Walshy, Gibbo Snr, Stevie and a York to settle things down when it gets to squeaky bum time.

The game started in usual fashion as Lynwood struggled to get into a rhythm as the Rovers pumped their long balls deep into the Lynwood half in a style reminiscent of crap English teams of the 80’s .  10 minutes in however a quick counter attack saw a lovely ball played to Gibbo snr on the right wing who had finally managed to extract himself from the centre circle  (how he managed to break the gravity of the centre circle we’ll never know).  Shining it over his head it looked like a lost cause but the Rovers didn’t take into account the many years that our own Bruce Wayne has had dealing with the erratic touches of Gibbo Jnr. Powering through the middle Spinksy drove the ball toward goal leaving the Rovers players in their wake to then calmly place it in the bottom corner and give Lynwood the confidence boost they needed.

From there Lynwood gradually took control.  Our Dark Knight added a second somehow 5 minutes later latching onto a 40 yard through ball and with it all to do.  Lacking any support (gravity had returned to the centre circle) the lone crusader used everything in his utility belt to make it 2-0.  From there goal mouth action was quite sparse.  Rovers who had yet to trouble stand in keeper Rodney took to intimidating to try and unsettle Lynwood.  A disgraceful sideways glance in Braidys direction by their number 6 caused a brief melee as Braidy rightly went for retribution but our own ant-man Micky Hall bounced into action to save or make worse the day amply backed up by the boy wonder Donahue behind him squeaking “stick it to him Micky”.  Despite having it stuck to them, Rovers kept up the dirty tricks so strong refereeing was needed resulting in the half being 5 minutes shorter as he couldn’t be arsed with it.

Despite being 2-0 up Lynwood weren’t playing at their best and the ultimate question all great managers are asked at half time had to be answered, stick or twist, TC twisted.  Going 2 up top and playing with one winger the plan was to negate the lack of width from Lynwood and exploit the middle.  Did it work? Like Batmans victory over Superman, surprisingly yes.  Chances came thick and fast for Lynwood but for some reason the final touch, that bit of composure was lacking.  It seemed only a matter of time before Lynwood would wrap it up with a third as even full back Marc “trying to make it up to the team” Mcpherson blazed a chance over the bar and Braidy popped up at the back post to clear it away for the Rovers.

But alas a monumental cock up with 15 to go by an unknown Lynwood player (he’s coaching our under 6/7’s so we don’t want to upset him) gave Rovers their first chance of the game and they knew exactly where to put it(rolling slowly 30cm to Rodneys right).  From there it all fell apart, as that combined with the numerous missed chances up front seemed to break Lynwoods confidence.  Sensing doubt like the Joker sensing the power vacuum in Gotham city, Rovers took advantage as they pushed for the draw that would send them through.  Minutes later Rodney pulled off a blinder (30cm to the left but at waist height) to maintain the lead but the pressure was only just starting to build as good decisions and good passes were hard to come by in the Lynwood team.  Gibbo Jnr seemed to channel his youth as he seemed to be playing a one man game of frozen statues and no one wanted to put the music back on, Donahue was marshalling his defence like a Kindy teacher straight out of uni dealing with 30 4 year olds who have been brought up on a diet of red icing laced with speed,  Braidy however stood above them all as he kept his pass completion rate at 100% finding  the feet of a white shirt every time.  It proved exciting stuff as Lynwood held on by the barest of threads with even the referee getting in on it playing an extra 10 minutes for the hell of it.  But despite Rovers missing a chance in the last minute that a Lynwood player would be proud of, United came through with the 3 points and a berth in the semi finals.  Whatever you can say about Lynwood you definitely can’t say their games aren’t worth the admission price as all the family members forced to watch thoroughly enjoyed their weekly outing.

7.30 KO v the Hammers

We are in third spot, 2 off top.  A win is the only option to go through to semi

Team:

Donners, Andy C, Gary Smith, Micky, Spinksy, Braidy, Gibbo Jnr, Jamie, Jian, Denny, Nitin, Marc, Tim, Phil, Gibbo

And we need a keeper so up to lads to find one or you are drawing straws.